Offseason as a Female Bodybuilder

**NOTE: Please remember this blog is based on my personal experiences and opinions, all individuals may or may not experience of feel the same way about this. **

As I have made mention before and many individuals understand that the shredded physique of an onstage competitor is almost physically impossible to maintain all year long, (however there are those few genetic freaks that are capable).  It not only wreaks havoc on the overall health of the body but can cause issues with the metabolism, hormone imbalance and a slew of other health hazards without allowing the body to heal from a contest depletion state.

So I often get asked "What is it like to go from stage lean, to a softer physique?" Honestly it's a mix of pure hell mentally and a feeling of relief and relaxation. Let me explain...

Dieting for 20-30 weeks (Yes, my coach diets me a little bit longer than a standard prep) into a single digit bodyfat percentage and slowly reversing back into a healthy weight and fat range is complete mental fuckery. It messes with your head and the thought of getting additional fat added back onto the body you have worked so hard to deplete is exhausting. Each year I always think it will be easier to adjust to an offseason and each year I find myself more critical of myself compared to the following year.

The fact is though, that's why this sport of bodybuilding is so challenging, because you have to add fat and water weight back onto your body frame to improve for the next season. You have to allow your body to heal and recover from the extensive damage that it has gone through during prep and without recovery and trying to hold onto the consistency of remaining lean can cause detrimental affects (as previously mentioned above).

So the truth is - for me personally, as well as many of my close friends who compete, the first few weeks post show are the worst. You constantly are checking the mirror to desperately hold onto the last few reminisce of the shredded abs that enveloped your stomach for the last few months. You try to excessively do cardio to retrieve back what you lost and the feeling of your clothes getting tighter on the body causes unhealthy obsessions with the scale and dieting. Sometimes I hide behind baggy sweatshirts and sweatpants to hide my weight gain. It's a rough transition and some competitors will do one show and the post show mental health will be the end of the competing days.

As I mention in almost all my blogs, competing is a choice, it is a privilege that not all of us can do. It is NOT a sacrifice, it is an overly expensive hobby that many of you who are reading this (including myself) find a sense of purpose with. It is a sport that test your mental strengths just as much as physical and at the end of the day we spend thousands of dollars to step on stage and pay for the opinion of an individual who tells us we are not good enough. Think about it,  I know it's a tough truth to read. It's not a positive thing, nor a negative thing. It simply is a fact of the sport.

So once off-season weight is on and the additional fat is put back on there are many positives to being in off-season.  For one, the diet is much more relaxed. Now I am not saying I can eat whatever the hell I want day in and day out. Most competitors like myself, work with a coach both on and off-season to utilize the additional weight and fat gain for overall improvements in the physique.


Off-Season Positives :

- Your strength significantly increases
- Your mood is 1000% more stabilized
- You have much more control over time management
- You feel a sense of balance in your life
- Saving some additional money


Off-Season Negatives :

- Gaining weight (fat and water)
- Tighter Clothes
- Feelings of "Lack of Purpose (aka regimen/routine towards a goal)
- Post- Show Depression (aka Post Show Blues)



The worst thing that personally I deal with during my off-season is when people are stunned to see that I am not stage lean.  Some of the things that have been said to me over the years (through my years of competing during my offseason):

- "How did you get fat so fast"?
- "Are you sick"?
- "Are you pregnant"?
- "I thought you competed"?
- "Do you not bodybuild anymore"?
- " Why did you diet so hard, if you were just gonna put the weight back on"?
- "Are your pictures photo shopped, I thought you were lean and muscular"

More so than not, females get this more due to women having a higher estrogen level and genetically carry more fat compared to males. I have developed thick skin in the public eye when it comes to comments.  I typically don't let anything overwhelm me until I get home, then I typically tell Kyle (spouse) who then tells Bill (coach) and then they both work their magic to make me semi levelheaded again.

 Now I do have to make a note that the comments above have been over the years of competing. My first ever show I did the infamous binge on everything for about 6 days straight after dieting.  I put on about 30lbs in those 6 days and it was the absolute worst feeling ever.  However after working with a proper coach and having the ability and privilege to compete year after year my off-season is much more under control but it is still a struggle putting on those first few pounds post show.

<<< My First Off Season Post Show @ 200lbs
<<< Stage Weight 145lbs 

My Third Offseason Pre Show @ 187 lbs >
Stage Weight @137lbs >>>>

 <<<My Sixth Offseason Pre-show @ 165lbs 
<<< Stage Weight @ 130lbs

My Seventh Season stage weight @ 120lbs >>>>>

Offseason @150lbs >>>



As you can see from a few of my past years of competing it takes time for your body to adapt into a controlled offseason. Be patient and know that each year your body will change and adapt a little differently towards your goals.

The Brutally Honest Truth Of What It Is Like To Be a Female With Muscles.

I have brought it up a couple of times in a few of my blogs about how society creates a certain image that creates a false picture in society's circle of what men and women are supposed to look like, how they should dress, even down to the gender roles within careers and households.  This. Is. Absolute. Bullshit.

From a young age I was always into sports and took over a tomboy type.  I was stockier growing up, I had larger muscles and while girls were wearing skirts and tank tops, I was hiding my thicker body under sweatpants and oversized T-Shirts.   I got teased a lot in elementary school.  I was called "Mannon" and "Shan-Man" because of my muscular and boyish look and I can honestly say I was ashamed of how I looked.  I held more fat around my thighs and mid section, I had incredible strength at a young age and at the age of 8 I could run a mile under 7 mins.  But none of that made me feel accomplished, I was embarrassed of what I could do and as most of my followers, fellow blog readers and friends know I developed bulimia nervosa at the age of 9.  To read the entire backstory of my bulimic struggles please click here to read my previous blog post discussing my challenges with my addiction with my body.

When I started my bodybuilding journey sometimes between 2011-2012 I slowly began to appreciate all that my body did for me.  I loved seeing the muscles grow, I loved see muscles in my stomach and arms grow and become more prominent.  It made me feel accomplished and the harder I pushed myself, the more my body changed and developed the more I began to gain confidence in how I looked.  About a year into my training was when the comments began to start towards me.  They started out minimally but I would constantly hear things like "Don't get to much muscle, you will start looking like a man," or "What happened to your boobs, they shrank, you are starting to have a man chest."  Little comments began to pile up.  The harder I trained in the gym, the better I felt about myself.  But the harder I pushed, the harsher society began to judge me.

Now almost 7 years later this is my life.  I walk into stores and people stare and whisper.  I get asked weekly if I am a man or a women.  Sometimes people ask me if I am transgender or lesbian.  I still have boobs and an ass but to society that is not enough, my muscle are not within the societal norm so people judge without knowing my story.  If I go to the grocery store and buy candy the cashier will ask if I should be eating that with a physique like myself.  Imagine yourself going into a store with gym clothes on after a workout and trying to grocery shop and all you hear are whispers, watching people stare at you (and some may I add, will not stop staring even after you make eye contact with them).  People treat me like an animal, coming up and squeezing my biceps and touching my muscles.  Ummmm, hello?! When the hell is it okay to touch random strangers bodies without their permission. I have been made fun of on snapchat, Instagram and numerous websites because of my looks and you know what after dealing with this judgmental bullshit for years I have created a thick skin and take it with a grain of salt. I get anonymous letters and messages sent to me how I am fake and look disgusting and that no man will ever love me.  I get hate mail and love mail and everything in between.   I have more individuals blocked on my Facebook and Instagram then I have followers and friends.  Instead of responding to negative comments I simply block them and move on with my life.  People talk and comment behind my back saying that I run testosterone and tren because of the size of my muscles.  Unless you are an individual who understands the science, the discipline and the passion that competitors like myself have for the sport, you will never understand the diet, the extreme workout routines and cardio sessions it takes to be able to pack on and maintain muscle.

Clothes shopping is another issue that I find myself struggling with.  I am not going to lie the older I get the more I realize how important dressing for the occasion is crucial.  As a bodybuilder, it is very difficult to find clothes that fit my body.  Jeans have to be super stretchy for my quads, and a belt is always needed to keep my pants from falling down on my waist.  Plus size shirts for women are the only sizes that fit my arms and back for women's clothing so sometimes I just browse the men's clothing section to get better fitting shirts.  I can dress feminine when I want to, I work in a gym so being able to wear gym clothes is the most comfortable setting for myself.

Its not all bad, not even close.  I love being able to show off my muscles and what I have worked so hard to sculpt over the years.  I am always ready to wear a bikini and the summer season people tend to be a bit less judgy and a bit more impressed.  Not that I give a shit what society deems acceptable for physique stature.  Having muscle has grown my personal training business significantly, I have a degree in health science and nutrition as well so I practice what I preach and understand the science behind how the body works. At the end of the day I am happy with what I have accomplished.  I am 25 years old and still have a full life ahead of me.  I have a goal to become an IFBB pro, I wont stop until I get to that level.  I get check ups regularly to monitor my health, I have a feminine as f**k looking face and I am no longer ashamed of my intrinsic and unique look that makes me stand out from societal norm.  I do normal adult things like pay a mortgage, stress about bills, feed my cats way more food then I should so they stop crying,  I pray and seek help from God in times of need, I have stressors and obstacles and there are days I feel fat and bloated (like any normal human feels).  We all have good days and bad days.  The key is to be able to live your life for yourself and find happiness with your life, everything will fall into place from their.

To all my haters and all my supporters- thank you .  You All make my life very interesting.  All my love. Shannon

Why you're not getting the results you want...

Besides being a passionate bodybuilder I also am a personal trainer.  I work personally with clients to help them achieve their overall fitness goals. I absolutely love being a personal trainer , I am able to fuel my passion into others and help them reach their goals.

Bottom Pic 2010 > Top Pic 2018

I work both as an online coach and in person trainer and work with a variety of people. Individuals looking to increase size, individuals who need help losing weight, people who want to grow muscle, etc.

However I have a few key things I want to point out to those who have been working hard in the gym and are still not seeing results.

- Stay Consistent: although you may work hard in the gym  when you show up, you cannot just sporadically come and go to the gym. Coming to the gym and working out hard 4x a month unfortunately is not going to get you the results you want. I always tell people to start slow. Challenge yourself to come 2x a week at first and slowly work up to 4-5x . Mix it up with weight training, cardio,  yoga, spin, etc. Do something to stay moving, it doesn't have to be tedious or boring.

- Food Matters: It's totally true, you are what you eat. Whether you're a bodybuilder, a vegan, vegetarian, or a person with no dietary preference; what you consume is what your body is fueled with.  When I start working with someone one of the most common things I hear someone say is "I'm not eating carbs" and I always ask why?! Why?  Carbs, fats and proteins are all essential nutrients your body needs to build into a solid physique. Pulling certain nutrients out can be detrimental to the body in the long term so be aware of how you are fueling your body. It is also true that everyones genetic makeup differs. Some individuals can run on lower carbs effectively (like myself) and others need a higher amount of carbohydrates to maintain a homeostasic balance within the body.

- Attitude and Mindset: Understand that any goal or lifestyle change takes time and consistency. Patience, ambition and a positive attitude will help you achieve your goals faster. Keeping your mindset straight and positive will help you stay focused. I get it though, life happens, slip ups occur. Remember we are all human. Do NOT beat yourself up about losing your routine. Simply get back up and keep moving forward.

-Time Management.  Two little words that are critical to achieving your goals. Two little words that have meant so much to me in order to get to where I am today.  It is something that we take for granted.  Time, we always think we have enough, we procrastinate and make excuses on things that we put off.  The statement "there is always tomorrow", "there is always next week" , " I'll start next year".  All these statements coincide with achieving your goals and getting to where you want to be in life.  In order to do what you need to accomplish, you must set yourself up to be successful.  This means creating a timeline for yourself and giving yourself accountability in reaching your goals.

Blah, Blah, Blah...  I know some of you want to yawn reading this because it is something that we hear all the time.  But as you are reading this, are you really listening to what I am telling you?  Create accountability, a timeline of sorts to keep you on track and routined to accomplishing what you always wanted to accomplish.  I get asked all the time, how do I find the time to get all that I do in. I time manage myself.  Scheduling to create effective results is essential for success. I am on the go from 5 a.m to 11 p.m. daily.  During that time frame I am getting meals in, training clients, getting my workout in plus 2 rounds of cardio.  I schedule yoga time, mediation time and even sleep time.  It is crucial for me to remain consistent with my schedule.  It keeps me on track and accountable.

Being 25, I love always being on the go and having things to do.  Keeping busy (especially during contest show prep) keeps my mind focused on my day ahead and never wandering to what needs to be done later on in the week.  I try to keep a day to day mentality.  Only letting the day ahead tasks influence my demeanor and letting the next day wait until it is time to come around.  This has not only allowed me to handle my stress much better as well, but things that are not in my control for the rest of the week are left alone until the time comes that I need to stress about them (if that makes sense).

How do you get into a routine where you manage time and consistency better?  I always tell people to start by trying to manage your bedtimes and wake up times.  Stay consistent and keep to the same schedule daily.  This also allows your body to adapt to the sleep schedule pattern making your bodies ability to utilize the sleep recovery from the day that much better.  Personally I had an issue when I first started trying to get to bed on time regularly, I used melatonin drops to help get my sleep pattern more regular.  From there start setting a routine for yourself - DO NOT OVERWHELM YOURSELF.  This means set a routine to start that is managable, and slowly you can implement additional elements as you begin to get acclimated with your new routine.

Post Show, plans for the year and the complexity of willpower

I'm gonna be blatantly honest here.   Competing is a rough sport to participate in mentally and just went you start to accept and love the body you are in the show is over and back to offseason and adding fat and water back into your body. For some competitors, like myself  I hold about 20lbs of water. When I dry out my body is shredded, lean but dehydrated and mentally miserable.

I had my show about 2 weeks ago. Since then I am up about 10lbs. My abs are puffy, my muscles are watery and in simple terms I feel fat. It's a mental battle that all competitors have to go through.  As competitors we have to learn to embrace and accept the changes are body goes through with each stage of prep.

Now for the questions I keep getting asked about my show results.  I placed 2nd in my class in a national level show. I am not upset nor disappointed.  Comparing my previous physique to my current one I brought on stage I can only be proud at the immense changes I brought within a short period of time.  Yes of course we all want to place first, win the overall and continue on to the IFBB pro league, and my time will 10000% come. I am patient, I see the changes my body makes through each season. As long as I am always improving, I am inching myself closer to the professional league.

Competing is a selfish choice that each competitor has to make. And yes, I do use the word selfish but not as a negative. Selfish meaning yourself. The sport is a you vs. You sport. You have to be selfish to yourself in order to improve. That means the bland dieting, the hours of morning cardio and the hours of night cardio. The daily intense lifting sessions. Each workout brings you that much closer to the next goal.

Personally, I enjoy the process but there are times I want to bury my head in a bowl full of cereal and eat myself to a carbohydrate coma, but it's the willpower of a competitor that is so amazing. The brain is such a complex organ with its ability to adapt to certain regimens and routines it still amazes me what an I individual can accomplish if they focus in on their personal will power.

I am not competing the rest of the year. My body needs a break as I have not taken a year off from competing since 2014. I will be back on stage 2019 to compete in another national level show and hopefully this time I will be one step closer to the professional status I aim to accomplish.

Feelings of Failure and The Support Needed

Do you ever get that feeling that you are being a shitty friend? A terrible sister? A horrible mother , teacher, acquaintance, coworker...you get the point. We are all hard on ourselves. We critque ourselves harshly and judge others critically and at the end of the day we are living our life hoping to impress others. My grandfather- probably one of the most intellectual, blunt and honest man I have met told me- "We live our lives to impress others. We buy things we can't afford to impress people we don't like." I know this has been quoted over the years by many different people however this statement allows you to take a lot in.

I can agree with that statement at times. I also can disagree with it at times. Regardless of what you stand for and how you live your life, one thing is clear, everyone needs those special few people in their lives. We all have those special people in our lives that are always just there for us. Regardless of the circumstances we put them in, regardless of the stress and burdens we throw to them, they always let us into their lives in our time of need.

I have had my fair share of humans that have come and gone in my life but I have been blessed to have a few who have stuck by my side throughout it all.

Some may find this blog post boring, others may find it essential to realize who your true friends are. A huge part of my life is my friends and family and it's always crucial to remember who has been there for you through it all.

Believe it or not some of my best friends do not compete or have a fitness lifestyle  and you know what?! That is ok. It works  for me and keeps balance and sanity in my life. Having friends who aren't in my lifestyle allow me to take a step back and realize what I do miss out on in my life when choosing to  compete.  It's not a bad thing, it's just a solid eye opener.

My beautiful sister, Megan, who is 15 months younger than me has been with me since the day she was born.  We are close in age and it made our teenage years a bit hellish, however it also was a ton of fun to have  a sister I could keep secrets with,

share clothes (which I stretched out) and shared our love of running. Although as we matured into young adults and we have had dramatic changes of interest, my sister has always been my number one supporter.

My best friend, Kaitlin,  from age 4 we have been in each other's lives. Ballet, elementary school and continuing through life, Kailtin has always been my responsible friend who makes me think about my life choices. She isn't about the fitness life, there is no diet or regimented eating , going to visit her is a breath of fresh air, a different routine and she reminds me of all the other facets that make me up as a person and loves me for every angle I convey.  She is my sister from another mother and knows everything and anything about me. She even knows my moods from when I am hungry, cranky, sleep deprived...She knows it all.

My training partners and other beautiful friends Christy and Annette. Goodness these two women are there for me through prep  excruciating workouts with our coach. Complaining about petty prep shit,

everything revolving around the gym and my lifestyle you will most likely find me with these two. Annette has been my second mom for about 5 years now making sure I stay focused and in line when I am in the gym and life in general. She is a UFE Pro figure and World Champ. I love her so much and am so proud of who she has become as a person through this sport. If I could end up as half as an amazing mother and person Annette is today I would die happy.

Christy is my beautiful babe who helps me get through life's obstacles. No matter the time of the day she is there for me with advice, venting about issues, anything we go through I know she is there for me and I am there for her. She has the most beautiful and caring personality that you will ever meet and she is also a badass figure competitor.

My gypsy, buff and beautiful babe Kaylyn (Kay) is the toughest and sexiest mom out there. Being an amazing Mother to my nephew, Nixon. She does it all works, workouts, raises her child, keeps her household in line, holds down a relationship and still manages to have a smile on her face no matter how hellish a day has been for her. She literally radiates positive energy from herself and she's my girl that I chill with. She keeps me mellow and stress free and I can go for weeks without talking to her and call her and we pick right back up where we left off.

Janelle, my partner in crime when it comes to women's physique. Janelle and I met backstage at a show a few years back and we clicked. Like instantly and since then have been in contact and we always feed off each other for motivation.  She is a future pro physique competitor in the making and I know we will be sharing a few stages together in the near future.

Support systems and groups of friends can be large or small.  As long as you have positive reinforcements backing you up adn supporting you along the way.  I have a heavy mentality towards people who do not support my lifestyle or future goals - and that is that you are not welcome within my life.  I live for myself and that is the most important above anything else.  I am a firm believer that you must put yourself first to make yourself happy.  If you evoke a positive and happy attitude then others around you will absorb that and do the same.  I dont have to impress my friends, they love me for who I am besides a bodybuilder, I am made up of so much more than muscle. By distinguishing why people like you is crucial to understand the depth of your friendship/relationship to someone, as well as understanding the value each person has in your own personal life.

It is said that you are made up of the 5 closest people you surround yourself with. I am so proud and blessed to have these individuals in my life and I 100000% believe I would not be the person I am today without them.

My current lift stats, diet, cardio and how my mindset is at 3 weeks out.

I have been getting more questions about my training lately and how I stay sane during my prep and keep my workouts up.  My mindset is simple. I train the same regardless of if I am in prep or not. I smash out heavy weights, maintain quality form and dont use the excuse of having "lack of carbs" prevent me from lifting what I know I can get.  I have pushed my body to extremes , but I also am very aware of pains and aches and will take rest days and back off training sessions if my body doesn't feel up to par. 

I train hard.  I always do warmup sets of about 10% my max weight I plan on pushing or pulling and then build from there. I like the feeling of being sore the next day, I like the thrill of seeing what my body is capable of as it leans out and drops bodyfat each week. 

I am very simple when it comes to training.  I dont sugarcoat or do some crazy functional exercises or movements. I do simple,  old school style training. Isolating a single muscle group with each training session. This allows my body to develop best.

Here is my current workout schedule:

Sunday: legs (quad dominant)

Monday: Back

Tueaday: shoulders

Wednesday: Legs (hamstring dominant)

Thursday: Rest Day

Friday: Arms/abs

Saturday: chest 

This is what works best for me. After this upcoming season and future plans with my coach,  my training will most likely intensify to bring up my weak areas. My offseason is when I focus of lifting goals and hit my PR's and try to get new lifting goals to use throughout my prep season. 

As my mentality has been in a fog for a good portion of this prep , it's good to just stick with what your body knows. Dont throw anything crazy diet or training wise into your prep to close to show as it can potentially be detrimental to your progress. Experiment offseason (that's what we have them for). Mentally. I try and stay sane, as many competitors know lethargy, comparisons of competitors, and opinions of others fuck with your head. My advice. Stay your course. If you need to have a mental breakdown, do it and get back on course. 

Trust your coach. Bill Tocco and I have done a ton of show preps together and this season we finally found a method that works best for me. It takes time and patience to figure out how to bring out the best conditioning for your body. I have tried it all all. Carb cycling, ketosis, no fats, etc. No two individuals will ever be the same. As I have repeatedly said before, find a coach you trust and stick with them. It can take years to crack your genetic makeup and conditioning. 

As I grind out these last 3 weeks of prep my main focus is to keep lifting as much as I can to keep my muscle bellies full and be very cautious of movements that could potentially injure myself. My current diet rotation is not for the week minded as I am running sub 1000cals a day.  No fats or carbs and currently at 75mins of fasted in the morning and 30 mins of HIIT cardio at night plus my lifting which is about 60-90mins. I have 200g of carbs every 3-4 days to shock my metabolism back and for me that is what is working. 

Again, may I remind you. This works for me and is not catered to your body type. It may work for you, but for the best results please talk to your coach. 

As for current max weight I am able to put up with the standard lifts at 3 weeks out:

Squats: 405lbs x 4

Bench: 275lbs x 4

Deadlift: 315lbs x4

Offseason I plan on hitting 500lbs for squats, 350 for bench and 455 for deadlifts. Those are my offseason goals. I have played with the idea of powerlifting  however as my goals are going for my IFBB pro card, I have 100% focus on that and perhaps in time may flirt with the idea of doing a powerlifting meet. 

Thanks for reading xo

 

P.s. please excuse the grammar errors as I am in prep and my mind isn't working as fast as I would like it too. 

The Mental Struggle of Prep.

I have been having one of those weeks. A week where I am doubting my worth, my depression is elevated and believe it or not I have questioned myself as to whether I am even good enough to continue competing in the sport of bodybuilding. Here's the truth though - we all go through these phases. It's the hard part of prep. The part no one tells you about or talks about.

I began to question my potential, I thought my progress had plateaued, I thought I looked fat, I hated myself for struggling through a workout. These are thoughts that many of us competitors have from time to time. Contest prep is extremely lonely. Especially now that I am less than 8 weeks out from my show. The diet gets stricter, the cardio increases almost daily and there is always tension with relationships and friendships due to the sacrifice of time that I have to give up. Prep for a show is exhausting, it's time consuming  and it's extremely difficult. For those of you who cannot relate, basically when someone is in contest prep you are purposely putting your body through a diet that is extremely harsh on the body. It is a type of diet that your body cannot possibly maintain as a regular staple in life. As we slowly decrease our body fat % to lower and lower numbers our brain begins to take a toll on the diet and becomes foggy, moods become unstable and you begin to look at yourself in a different way.  Irritiability , frustration,  body dysmorphia, all twist around inside our brains as we deplete ourselves into the lowest body fat % that our body can handle.

Today I sat at the gym struggling through my shoulder workout - I had to dig out my goals and refocus my mindset to that IFBB status that I so badly want before the time I am 30.  I had to use picture comparisons to assure me that I was changing my body everyday. Creating and sculpting it ever so slightly day by day, and year by year to push it to the potential I know it has. In my personal opinion I believe that bodybuilding is the hardest sport a person will ever have to do because you are your competition. You have to defeat your mind and swallow the doubt and bullshit and just do what needs to be done. I also believe it's one of the most expensive.  I did this blog that although many of us show the glamour and positives off the sport it is quite a challenge to make it all come together into a proper package at the proper time.

It is days like these that make you realize how strong the mind is, and how it can completely challenge your mindset. So you are continually battling your mind in it's own personal war. It is exhausting but you always push past this war and move on, later only to look back at the strength you gained from the past and realize that all the pain and dedication you put in was all worth it.

The sport takes years and years to progress in. Each year is another step closer to developing your body into a better conditioning, however, to us competitors there is ALWAYS going to be room for improvements. 

Triumphing Failure

Growth comes from getting out of your comfort zone.  Get comfortable being uncomfortable .

I have been striving to become an IFBB Pro for along time. It's my goal and my vision and my dream.  My time will come and I want to ensure that I always try my hardest and push myself to my limits without injury.

Bodybuilding is a journey of self discovery, of fulfillment, of accomplishing something that many do not have the mental capacity to push through it. This also means that you cannot be afraid to fail. You cannot be scared to let the weight fall. You cannot be scared if you accidently miss a meal or cheat on the diet.

What you cannot do is stop. You must pick yourself back up, brush off your shoulders and keep going. Start over and learn from your mistakes. Failing is part of succeeding. A cycle of mental fuckery that unfortunately goes hand in hand with success. Failures and successes are both needed in order to move forward. 

I use to fear failure . Fear disappointing others and fear judgement. However, that's another obstacle that you have to challenge your mind to overcome. Use failure as a challenge to better yourself . Use it as a learning experience . No matter how big or small a failure is. No matter how much of a mess your life may have become, there is ALWAYS a way out. There is always a way to comeback and be better than you were before.

Next time you stress yourself out about failing remember life is full of triumphs and failures. A puzzle of sorts that pieces together your personal life based on your decisions and only your choices determine your outcome in life.

It's Prep Season, Support Me or Get Out of My Way... If You Are Dealing With A Competitor Read This!

Prep season is upon us and many of my fellow friends and competitors are prepping themselves for their next season of competitions, I am also included with this group.  As we all wrap up the first few months  of the new year and venture harder into our diets and cuts for stage, I always like to make mention of some of the common issue I personally deal with during my prep season, which I am sure some of you can relate too.

My family is very accustomed to my crazy diets for my shows. Personally, I try to warn my family about a month in advance so that they are aware of my food intake, crazy moods swings and constant lack of being present as I begin the daily routine of being at the gym 2-3 times a day.  I am blessed to have a family that is somewhat aware of what I go through and they typically refrain from bitching when I bring my food to family gatherings, heat my fish up in the microwave,  smell the house up with different scents of protein,etc .  So I ask to all of you who are dealing with a competitor in your life, to please keep the complaining and looks of disgust in mind as we try to support our following competitors that have to eat out of tupperware and ziploc bags , we dont love it, we just do it. 

We are routine and regimented. That means that day in and day out for the next 16-20 weeks we have a schedule that we have to stick too. The biggest thing I deal with is individuals bitching that I can't go out with them or all I do is lift and eat.  If you can't support and accept that 3/4 of my year is prep and the other 1/4 is off-season then see ya Chico, Bye Felicia. I chose this lifestyle because it's what I love, I don't ask people why they choose to spend thousands of  dollars on their hobbies and lifestyles and you shouldn't question my happiness either.

Please, please, please don't reoccuringly ask a competitor to taste a food they can't have or say "it's just a bite", "one taste won't hurt your diet", "you won't get fat from eating that plate of food", etc. I have heard it all.  We are already starving as it is, as well as living with a constant caloric deficit and keeping that mindset focused is a hell of a lot easier without someone pushing food in your face that you can't eat.  So as much as any of us would love to jam a plate full of pasta and loaves of Italian bread in our mouths,  We just can't at the moment. We are not trying to disrespect Grandma Pearls homemade pies or Aunt Laverne's walnut brownies, we understand it took time to make them, but as competitors we have visions that are extremely hard to accomplish without perfect consistency.

As a seasoned competitor I honestly have no problem with people eating food in front of me that I cannot eat. Personally , I like watching others eat what I cannot, I kind of just try to savor it through their senses....okay now a quick awkward pause because you probably think I am super creepy now...

Anyways, we are not all like that, especially for the newcomers. If you have someone you know that is prepping and are unsure if the food will offend them or not, just simply ask. I tell people to treat competitors like we have a food allergy (please take no offense to this comparison) and just ask to make sure it's okay to be around certain foods. That's the easiest way to go about that gray area that many people are always wondering about.


Here is a very, very crucial thing to remember. The longer we are prepping and dieting, the more caloric deficit we get . This also means that our brain functioning gets a bit whacky as well and some of us get some intense mood swings...I am definitely included in this- quick relevant story:

Morning of my show my Coach always has me carb up on pancakes. I had to get up at 4 a.m. and the hotel I was staying at for that show unfortunately didn't have breakfast until 6. I have a schedule so I have to have pancakes at that time so Kyle [fiancee] ran to McDonald's and grabbed me some of their pancakes. Well he ordered me the wrong combination.... *cue mental breakdown mega Shan-Trum *... I flipped out on him telling him he didn't support my prep and should just forget about coming to my show and he didn't take my competing seriously, and that he was never allowed to come to a other show because he wants me to fail ....and *cue food in my mouth* ended Shan-Trum completely. ...

So like I was saying we are  bit unstable and on edge, especially during that peak week. So please remember that if we seem a bit more irritated or grumpy just try and be supportive as possible, trust me, I know it's hard but we all appreciate it more than you realize.


In the end, I think I can speak for all of us competitors that regardless how hard or easy our preps are, we genuinely appreciate those who do take the time to help our preps run smoothly and get us closer to our dreams.

Best of luck to everyone heading into prep this season. I'm right along with you, sitting at 15 weeks out from the first show of the year.  Follow me on Instagram @shanisfierce for daily updates on my prep.

Xo Shan

The People Who Started My Bodybuilding: My Journey Fast Tracked

Do you remember how you started your fitness journey? Who was there along the way to help and guide you?

Every one of us started out the same way, we chose a lifestyle change and did it. We all had to start out in a new environment and face the intimidation factor, the anxiety of starting something new and the chance to make a new hobby for yourself.


As each of us go through our journey we meet individuals who support us and guide us into the direction that we are hoping to achieve. I wanted to bring attention to this because as we all go through our fitness journeys we sometimes forget how we got to the point we are at, who has helped us along the way and the selfish factors we have had to get accustom to acknowledging within our lives.

My parents, sister, and brother-in-law have always been on my side cheering for me. Although my parents have finally accepted my lifestyle, it took some time. But the support of my family has been the intial driving force for me to continue with my journey.

When I first started bodybuilding and competing I wanted to do one show to see how it would go. I originally was a runner and my running partner at the time Adam had just gotten into crossfit and had given me a pair of adjustable dumbbells (the good kind, the kind you can adjust the weights). I started doing P90x regularly using those weights and continued running with Adam in the morning and lifting weights at night. I packed on muscle fast with the weight lifting, and seeing how my body reacted, I switched to a gym membership quickly to see how far I could push my body.

 I began training in the gym hard. I had my first personal trainer Mike, who helped introduce me to the art of dieting and nutrition and placed me in a focused mindset and allowed me to discover what my body was actually capable during the muscle growing process. Mike guided me tremendously and within a 4 month time working with him I was able to really understand how crucial proper lifting, consistency and discipline can work wonders with the body.  He helped me develop a love for lifting and it was from Mike the gym and I learned a prosperous relationship.

 My first pictures of my lifting progress. Taken in 2013. 

 I had an amazing lifting partner Shawn (my first real lifting partner) who would lift with me daily, we would push each other, motivate each other and he helped me find my inner strength . Daily we would meet each other and lift, challenging and pushing each other, hitting PR's working on new diets and nutrition together and overall just enjoying the gym in a routine. When I decided to switch gyms , Shawn switched with me and he continued to train with me regularly. He came to my first NPC show and was the number one supporter for me in the beginning of my career and I can honestly say without him I probably would not be where I am today in the sport.

When I switched gyms, I switched trainers and parted ways with Mike and started training with Phill, Kay and Ben. These three trainers together  shaped me into the direction I have taken today. Phill has been my mentor for over 5 years now helping me on and off from posing, dieting, transitions from off-season to on-season and keeping up with valuable insights on his own personal reflection of bodybuilding. Ben was my trainer, I trained with him 2x a week for months and worked on developing my legs and strength and overall physique. With Ben I first squatted 405lbs, I was able to watch as my form progressively improve and my strength increase. As Ben moved on from the gym, I then began working with my beautiful friend Kaylyn. Kay and I went way back as we went to middle school and high school together,  we had been friends for a long time so having a training relationship  along with a genuine friendship made it very easy to train hard with her as she gave me the honest facts about competing.  Kay shaped me for my first show, both Ben, Phill and Kay helped me with posing, diet and overall stage presence and after I won my first overall in Women's Physique I was hooked on the sport. Along with switching gyms I met a ton of new athletes and gym goers who constantly gave me support and motivation of days I wasn't feeling it. Austin and Annette became two pretty important people in my life as I worked out in the new gym. Annette (I will bring her back in later) was prepping for her first show at the time as well so it was nice to feed off each other during our prep. Austin has actually been in my life since I was about 4, we went to high school together, but lost touch until after I graduated and it was there at the gym we reconnected and he became my biggest supporter  and motivator, and he still is to this day.

It was after my first prep I wanted to go bigger I wanted to do a national qualifier show, I wanted to try and save some money and do it on my own with minimal guidance from my trainers and competed in the Michigan in 2015 and won the title of Miss Michigan Physique. 20 weeks later was the NPC National Show and decided I was just gonna go for it and compete. Stupidly, I though I could coach myself for my first National show (it was a poor choice on my part) and 5 weeks out from my first National Show I panicked. One of my Instagram followers and mutual friends actually reached out to me and asked how my prep was going and noticed I was having some issues during my prep and told me to reach out to Bill Tocco of War Room Nutrition. At this time I was pretty much broke, I had spent so much money on training, my registration for the show and my suit (it was a mess, I know) . I didn't even know how I could afford a coach or travel to even get down to Florida. Bill simply said send me your current diet and let's start from there. For 5 weeks I worked tirelessly with Bill reshaping my body as best as I could to step on stage. Now for those of you who don't know, a national show requires extensive prep. It is almost impossible to get a body conditioned to a proper state in 5 weeks time and expect to place in first call outs. I knew that but I still wanted to do it. Bill said we would do a trial together, he worked with me for 5 weeks up to Nationals and as best as he could peaked my body and from that trail we would see if we would be a good fit as a coach and client.

At the time I was working as a Bank Teller at a local bank and one of my frequent customers, Rod, had taken an interest in my bodybuilding and my goals.  After sometime of talking about my ambitions and goals with Rod and how I wanted to go to Nationals but wasn't sure how I was going to be able afford it, Rod simply handed me $200.00 and said "Book a flight to get to Nationals" that gesture alone helped me realize that there are people in this world, when you least expect it, to help push you to get to the next level mindset you need. I booked my flight that night and one week later I was competing in Miami Nationals 2015.

For my first National Show, working with a coach for 5 weeks and I got 3rd call outs, it wasn't the best but it was an eye opener to me about how crucial a consistent coach and training has to be in order to prosper in this sport. From that National Show in 2015, currently and for my length of my bodybuilding career I will be working with Bill Tocco. Bill has been an incredible coach from the start and pushes my body to its limits, has shaped my physique tremendously over the past 2 years working with him and with every coach, he finally has learned how my body adapts to stress, change, water, carbs, etc. A special note out there to competitors jumping coach to coach. Stop. Stick with one and be done. It takes time for coaches to learn the your body and how it adapts. So if your coach is committed to you , just be patient.

Joining with Bill. I also gained some amazing Team Members of War Room Nutrition. My teammate and friend Tommy, who had huge success in the Michigan NPC in bodybuilding is an anchor for the team. Keeping the positivity and motivation going as we all grind it out daily.  Literally anytime of day I can text this man and he will respond with the most intellectual and motivational shit you have ever heard. It makes you want to just drop what you are doing and go workout. Tommy and I get along very well because we both have that genuine passion for the sport and it's amazing to see how far he has come with Bill and how his physique has changed over the years.

Along with Tommy I met my best friend Christy, who has been a frequent training partner of mine as well. She has been my rock through each show, traveling to support me regardless of the distance, lending me suits, doing my hair and makeup when April wasn't able, and just overall being an amazing friend even when she has a zillion other things going on in her life. April, Bill's wife, and the artist behind my stage hair and makeup never seizes to amaze me with her flawless hair designs and makeup for each of my shows. She goes above and beyond with her talents and I am so thankful to always have her to beautify me when I desperately need it. Annette (mentioned earlier) reached out to me about my prep and current coach after she needed a change and she joined with Team War Room and has been a rock and training partner to me as soon as she joined the team.

After joining the team I did my first full prep with Bill and competed in the 2016 Jr Nationals where I got 2nd call outs in the Show. In comparison to my physique, it at the time was my best physique to date and as amped as I was and literally did not think it could get better Bill had me jump into a local show 2 weeks after Jr  Nationals and peak my physique even more. It was at the Nicole Wilkins Show that I met my beautiful friend Janelle, she was new to the sport and doing her Women's Physique debut and for anyone who has been backstage at a show, it's a lot of comparing and eyeing each other up and your mind just keeps doubting you as you prepped to go on stage. I'm very personable,  like to the point where I talk too much, but Janelle and I began to converse and talk about our journeys to the stage and after competing in this show we stayed in touch and now she has become one of my close friends and she helps me through all of my life issues.

Shortly after the Nicole Wilkins Show in 2016 I took some time off to grow and get bigger. I graduated college and was trying to figure out my next move in life when out of the blue I met my future husband, Kyle Baxter.  Kyle and I met through Instagram ( I know crazy social media 20th century story) and after our first date we were pretty much inseparable,  however I made it very clear that bodybuilding was my primary focus. Kyle had no issue with that as he, himself was an avid lifter and Sargent in United States Army so staying in shape, routine and regiment was already apart of his lifestyle.  Kyle asked me to move to Kansas (as that was where he was stationed) and 2 months after we had started dating I did. Before I moved I met with Bill got a game plan and stayed committed to the team, my training and kept in constant contact with him throughout my time in Kansas. First plan once I moved, new gym.



Gym found within 12 hours of moving. The Foundation in Manhattan, KS. My new home away from home and I continued my journey and met a ton of amazing new people who have helped me tremendously through my journey. It was amazing to find a gym so genuine with bodybuilding passion. It's literally like stepping into a place where every person is passionate about the sport and helps and guides each to reach their next stepping stone. That is exactly how The Foundation is. Meeting people who share the same passion makes your goals much more focused and obtainable. For almost a year I trained in a new state with new friends. My physique grew both in size, strength and mentality.

Moving home to Michigan again, my focus never stopped I began prep immediately after getting home and worked tirelessly with Bill and trained with both teammates Annette and Christy multiple times a week to make sure I was on track for prep.
I competed in two more national qualifiers in 2017 with my Teammate Tommy and took first in both shows, requalifying me for a solid 2018 season.

As the 2018 season has began I have huge things on my plate and am focused more than ever on my show and continually pursing that IFBB pro card. As I look back from then to now, if I hadn't met any of these people, in the order I did I would never have ended up where I am now. My past year has been a whirlwind of excitement and I can only evolve from here. I geuninely just have to give thanks to my rocks and motivators through my entire process. Without each of your help, no matter how big or little, it has allowed me to progress into the athlete that I am today.