Feelings of Failure and The Support Needed

Do you ever get that feeling that you are being a shitty friend? A terrible sister? A horrible mother , teacher, acquaintance, coworker...you get the point. We are all hard on ourselves. We critque ourselves harshly and judge others critically and at the end of the day we are living our life hoping to impress others. My grandfather- probably one of the most intellectual, blunt and honest man I have met told me- "We live our lives to impress others. We buy things we can't afford to impress people we don't like." I know this has been quoted over the years by many different people however this statement allows you to take a lot in.

I can agree with that statement at times. I also can disagree with it at times. Regardless of what you stand for and how you live your life, one thing is clear, everyone needs those special few people in their lives. We all have those special people in our lives that are always just there for us. Regardless of the circumstances we put them in, regardless of the stress and burdens we throw to them, they always let us into their lives in our time of need.

I have had my fair share of humans that have come and gone in my life but I have been blessed to have a few who have stuck by my side throughout it all.

Some may find this blog post boring, others may find it essential to realize who your true friends are. A huge part of my life is my friends and family and it's always crucial to remember who has been there for you through it all.

Believe it or not some of my best friends do not compete or have a fitness lifestyle  and you know what?! That is ok. It works  for me and keeps balance and sanity in my life. Having friends who aren't in my lifestyle allow me to take a step back and realize what I do miss out on in my life when choosing to  compete.  It's not a bad thing, it's just a solid eye opener.

My beautiful sister, Megan, who is 15 months younger than me has been with me since the day she was born.  We are close in age and it made our teenage years a bit hellish, however it also was a ton of fun to have  a sister I could keep secrets with,

share clothes (which I stretched out) and shared our love of running. Although as we matured into young adults and we have had dramatic changes of interest, my sister has always been my number one supporter.

My best friend, Kaitlin,  from age 4 we have been in each other's lives. Ballet, elementary school and continuing through life, Kailtin has always been my responsible friend who makes me think about my life choices. She isn't about the fitness life, there is no diet or regimented eating , going to visit her is a breath of fresh air, a different routine and she reminds me of all the other facets that make me up as a person and loves me for every angle I convey.  She is my sister from another mother and knows everything and anything about me. She even knows my moods from when I am hungry, cranky, sleep deprived...She knows it all.

My training partners and other beautiful friends Christy and Annette. Goodness these two women are there for me through prep  excruciating workouts with our coach. Complaining about petty prep shit,

everything revolving around the gym and my lifestyle you will most likely find me with these two. Annette has been my second mom for about 5 years now making sure I stay focused and in line when I am in the gym and life in general. She is a UFE Pro figure and World Champ. I love her so much and am so proud of who she has become as a person through this sport. If I could end up as half as an amazing mother and person Annette is today I would die happy.

Christy is my beautiful babe who helps me get through life's obstacles. No matter the time of the day she is there for me with advice, venting about issues, anything we go through I know she is there for me and I am there for her. She has the most beautiful and caring personality that you will ever meet and she is also a badass figure competitor.

My gypsy, buff and beautiful babe Kaylyn (Kay) is the toughest and sexiest mom out there. Being an amazing Mother to my nephew, Nixon. She does it all works, workouts, raises her child, keeps her household in line, holds down a relationship and still manages to have a smile on her face no matter how hellish a day has been for her. She literally radiates positive energy from herself and she's my girl that I chill with. She keeps me mellow and stress free and I can go for weeks without talking to her and call her and we pick right back up where we left off.

Janelle, my partner in crime when it comes to women's physique. Janelle and I met backstage at a show a few years back and we clicked. Like instantly and since then have been in contact and we always feed off each other for motivation.  She is a future pro physique competitor in the making and I know we will be sharing a few stages together in the near future.

Support systems and groups of friends can be large or small.  As long as you have positive reinforcements backing you up adn supporting you along the way.  I have a heavy mentality towards people who do not support my lifestyle or future goals - and that is that you are not welcome within my life.  I live for myself and that is the most important above anything else.  I am a firm believer that you must put yourself first to make yourself happy.  If you evoke a positive and happy attitude then others around you will absorb that and do the same.  I dont have to impress my friends, they love me for who I am besides a bodybuilder, I am made up of so much more than muscle. By distinguishing why people like you is crucial to understand the depth of your friendship/relationship to someone, as well as understanding the value each person has in your own personal life.

It is said that you are made up of the 5 closest people you surround yourself with. I am so proud and blessed to have these individuals in my life and I 100000% believe I would not be the person I am today without them.