The Brutally Honest Truth Of What It Is Like To Be a Female With Muscles.

I have brought it up a couple of times in a few of my blogs about how society creates a certain image that creates a false picture in society's circle of what men and women are supposed to look like, how they should dress, even down to the gender roles within careers and households.  This. Is. Absolute. Bullshit.

From a young age I was always into sports and took over a tomboy type.  I was stockier growing up, I had larger muscles and while girls were wearing skirts and tank tops, I was hiding my thicker body under sweatpants and oversized T-Shirts.   I got teased a lot in elementary school.  I was called "Mannon" and "Shan-Man" because of my muscular and boyish look and I can honestly say I was ashamed of how I looked.  I held more fat around my thighs and mid section, I had incredible strength at a young age and at the age of 8 I could run a mile under 7 mins.  But none of that made me feel accomplished, I was embarrassed of what I could do and as most of my followers, fellow blog readers and friends know I developed bulimia nervosa at the age of 9.  To read the entire backstory of my bulimic struggles please click here to read my previous blog post discussing my challenges with my addiction with my body.

When I started my bodybuilding journey sometimes between 2011-2012 I slowly began to appreciate all that my body did for me.  I loved seeing the muscles grow, I loved see muscles in my stomach and arms grow and become more prominent.  It made me feel accomplished and the harder I pushed myself, the more my body changed and developed the more I began to gain confidence in how I looked.  About a year into my training was when the comments began to start towards me.  They started out minimally but I would constantly hear things like "Don't get to much muscle, you will start looking like a man," or "What happened to your boobs, they shrank, you are starting to have a man chest."  Little comments began to pile up.  The harder I trained in the gym, the better I felt about myself.  But the harder I pushed, the harsher society began to judge me.

Now almost 7 years later this is my life.  I walk into stores and people stare and whisper.  I get asked weekly if I am a man or a women.  Sometimes people ask me if I am transgender or lesbian.  I still have boobs and an ass but to society that is not enough, my muscle are not within the societal norm so people judge without knowing my story.  If I go to the grocery store and buy candy the cashier will ask if I should be eating that with a physique like myself.  Imagine yourself going into a store with gym clothes on after a workout and trying to grocery shop and all you hear are whispers, watching people stare at you (and some may I add, will not stop staring even after you make eye contact with them).  People treat me like an animal, coming up and squeezing my biceps and touching my muscles.  Ummmm, hello?! When the hell is it okay to touch random strangers bodies without their permission. I have been made fun of on snapchat, Instagram and numerous websites because of my looks and you know what after dealing with this judgmental bullshit for years I have created a thick skin and take it with a grain of salt. I get anonymous letters and messages sent to me how I am fake and look disgusting and that no man will ever love me.  I get hate mail and love mail and everything in between.   I have more individuals blocked on my Facebook and Instagram then I have followers and friends.  Instead of responding to negative comments I simply block them and move on with my life.  People talk and comment behind my back saying that I run testosterone and tren because of the size of my muscles.  Unless you are an individual who understands the science, the discipline and the passion that competitors like myself have for the sport, you will never understand the diet, the extreme workout routines and cardio sessions it takes to be able to pack on and maintain muscle.

Clothes shopping is another issue that I find myself struggling with.  I am not going to lie the older I get the more I realize how important dressing for the occasion is crucial.  As a bodybuilder, it is very difficult to find clothes that fit my body.  Jeans have to be super stretchy for my quads, and a belt is always needed to keep my pants from falling down on my waist.  Plus size shirts for women are the only sizes that fit my arms and back for women's clothing so sometimes I just browse the men's clothing section to get better fitting shirts.  I can dress feminine when I want to, I work in a gym so being able to wear gym clothes is the most comfortable setting for myself.

Its not all bad, not even close.  I love being able to show off my muscles and what I have worked so hard to sculpt over the years.  I am always ready to wear a bikini and the summer season people tend to be a bit less judgy and a bit more impressed.  Not that I give a shit what society deems acceptable for physique stature.  Having muscle has grown my personal training business significantly, I have a degree in health science and nutrition as well so I practice what I preach and understand the science behind how the body works. At the end of the day I am happy with what I have accomplished.  I am 25 years old and still have a full life ahead of me.  I have a goal to become an IFBB pro, I wont stop until I get to that level.  I get check ups regularly to monitor my health, I have a feminine as f**k looking face and I am no longer ashamed of my intrinsic and unique look that makes me stand out from societal norm.  I do normal adult things like pay a mortgage, stress about bills, feed my cats way more food then I should so they stop crying,  I pray and seek help from God in times of need, I have stressors and obstacles and there are days I feel fat and bloated (like any normal human feels).  We all have good days and bad days.  The key is to be able to live your life for yourself and find happiness with your life, everything will fall into place from their.

To all my haters and all my supporters- thank you .  You All make my life very interesting.  All my love. Shannon

Why you're not getting the results you want...

Besides being a passionate bodybuilder I also am a personal trainer.  I work personally with clients to help them achieve their overall fitness goals. I absolutely love being a personal trainer , I am able to fuel my passion into others and help them reach their goals.

Bottom Pic 2010 > Top Pic 2018

I work both as an online coach and in person trainer and work with a variety of people. Individuals looking to increase size, individuals who need help losing weight, people who want to grow muscle, etc.

However I have a few key things I want to point out to those who have been working hard in the gym and are still not seeing results.

- Stay Consistent: although you may work hard in the gym  when you show up, you cannot just sporadically come and go to the gym. Coming to the gym and working out hard 4x a month unfortunately is not going to get you the results you want. I always tell people to start slow. Challenge yourself to come 2x a week at first and slowly work up to 4-5x . Mix it up with weight training, cardio,  yoga, spin, etc. Do something to stay moving, it doesn't have to be tedious or boring.

- Food Matters: It's totally true, you are what you eat. Whether you're a bodybuilder, a vegan, vegetarian, or a person with no dietary preference; what you consume is what your body is fueled with.  When I start working with someone one of the most common things I hear someone say is "I'm not eating carbs" and I always ask why?! Why?  Carbs, fats and proteins are all essential nutrients your body needs to build into a solid physique. Pulling certain nutrients out can be detrimental to the body in the long term so be aware of how you are fueling your body. It is also true that everyones genetic makeup differs. Some individuals can run on lower carbs effectively (like myself) and others need a higher amount of carbohydrates to maintain a homeostasic balance within the body.

- Attitude and Mindset: Understand that any goal or lifestyle change takes time and consistency. Patience, ambition and a positive attitude will help you achieve your goals faster. Keeping your mindset straight and positive will help you stay focused. I get it though, life happens, slip ups occur. Remember we are all human. Do NOT beat yourself up about losing your routine. Simply get back up and keep moving forward.

-Time Management.  Two little words that are critical to achieving your goals. Two little words that have meant so much to me in order to get to where I am today.  It is something that we take for granted.  Time, we always think we have enough, we procrastinate and make excuses on things that we put off.  The statement "there is always tomorrow", "there is always next week" , " I'll start next year".  All these statements coincide with achieving your goals and getting to where you want to be in life.  In order to do what you need to accomplish, you must set yourself up to be successful.  This means creating a timeline for yourself and giving yourself accountability in reaching your goals.

Blah, Blah, Blah...  I know some of you want to yawn reading this because it is something that we hear all the time.  But as you are reading this, are you really listening to what I am telling you?  Create accountability, a timeline of sorts to keep you on track and routined to accomplishing what you always wanted to accomplish.  I get asked all the time, how do I find the time to get all that I do in. I time manage myself.  Scheduling to create effective results is essential for success. I am on the go from 5 a.m to 11 p.m. daily.  During that time frame I am getting meals in, training clients, getting my workout in plus 2 rounds of cardio.  I schedule yoga time, mediation time and even sleep time.  It is crucial for me to remain consistent with my schedule.  It keeps me on track and accountable.

Being 25, I love always being on the go and having things to do.  Keeping busy (especially during contest show prep) keeps my mind focused on my day ahead and never wandering to what needs to be done later on in the week.  I try to keep a day to day mentality.  Only letting the day ahead tasks influence my demeanor and letting the next day wait until it is time to come around.  This has not only allowed me to handle my stress much better as well, but things that are not in my control for the rest of the week are left alone until the time comes that I need to stress about them (if that makes sense).

How do you get into a routine where you manage time and consistency better?  I always tell people to start by trying to manage your bedtimes and wake up times.  Stay consistent and keep to the same schedule daily.  This also allows your body to adapt to the sleep schedule pattern making your bodies ability to utilize the sleep recovery from the day that much better.  Personally I had an issue when I first started trying to get to bed on time regularly, I used melatonin drops to help get my sleep pattern more regular.  From there start setting a routine for yourself - DO NOT OVERWHELM YOURSELF.  This means set a routine to start that is managable, and slowly you can implement additional elements as you begin to get acclimated with your new routine.

Post Show, plans for the year and the complexity of willpower

I'm gonna be blatantly honest here.   Competing is a rough sport to participate in mentally and just went you start to accept and love the body you are in the show is over and back to offseason and adding fat and water back into your body. For some competitors, like myself  I hold about 20lbs of water. When I dry out my body is shredded, lean but dehydrated and mentally miserable.

I had my show about 2 weeks ago. Since then I am up about 10lbs. My abs are puffy, my muscles are watery and in simple terms I feel fat. It's a mental battle that all competitors have to go through.  As competitors we have to learn to embrace and accept the changes are body goes through with each stage of prep.

Now for the questions I keep getting asked about my show results.  I placed 2nd in my class in a national level show. I am not upset nor disappointed.  Comparing my previous physique to my current one I brought on stage I can only be proud at the immense changes I brought within a short period of time.  Yes of course we all want to place first, win the overall and continue on to the IFBB pro league, and my time will 10000% come. I am patient, I see the changes my body makes through each season. As long as I am always improving, I am inching myself closer to the professional league.

Competing is a selfish choice that each competitor has to make. And yes, I do use the word selfish but not as a negative. Selfish meaning yourself. The sport is a you vs. You sport. You have to be selfish to yourself in order to improve. That means the bland dieting, the hours of morning cardio and the hours of night cardio. The daily intense lifting sessions. Each workout brings you that much closer to the next goal.

Personally, I enjoy the process but there are times I want to bury my head in a bowl full of cereal and eat myself to a carbohydrate coma, but it's the willpower of a competitor that is so amazing. The brain is such a complex organ with its ability to adapt to certain regimens and routines it still amazes me what an I individual can accomplish if they focus in on their personal will power.

I am not competing the rest of the year. My body needs a break as I have not taken a year off from competing since 2014. I will be back on stage 2019 to compete in another national level show and hopefully this time I will be one step closer to the professional status I aim to accomplish.