Your Muscles are Gross.

Social media is a vulnerable space for individuals posting to it...Think about it, we post moments in our life that may or may not be appealing to others in order to show others a little glimpse into our daily lives. As a person who enjoys motivating and inspiring others, I pride myself in being able to share my bodybuilding journey with my followers. It helps connect myself with the audience and also allows the audience to realize that I'm just a normal, struggling human being trying to find my place in this world.

Being an extremely muscular female makes me stand out a bit in public and on social media. It also unfortunately makes me a much larger target for social media trolls. Since I stepped into the competition circuit I have received emails, messages and comments weekly telling me how disgusting I look, how I'll never have a man to love me , how I destroyed my femininity, etc.  As much as I say it doesn't bother me. It does. Everytime it hurts. It makes me look at myself differently and I begin to doubt my successes and focus on my faults and flaws.  After getting so many, I decided to screenshot some of them so people who unaware of what us females go through, understand it is common for many of us. 

How do I get through it? Kyle [fiance] plays a large part in keeping me successful and motivated. He constantly reminds me of how far I have come and how far I still have to go. Sometimes he has to force me to take a step back to look at where I started from and I am so very blessed to have someone who is so supportive of me.  I think the hardest part for him, being my significant other, is to not say anything to ignite the trollers and agitate them more.  I do not give in or comment back to people who make negative comments, mostly I leave them up and just let others read what people have written.  I dont want to hide different aspects of my life to glamorize it, I keep everything open and public because I believe that you all deserve to know what I deal with.

What I have found it as I deal with social media more and more is to become neutral to everything that is said to me and about me.  Everything that is said should be taken as a plain set of words, take it in as a neutral comment.  Not taken as a negative or a positive.  From there, I am able to determine if I will let the words/comments affect me.  I have a choice a to let it negatively or positively affect me.  Letting people have power over my thoughts and actions will not allow me to move ahead and be successful in my life.  In order to move ahead I need to directionalize everything said to me or about me in a way that will allow me to only move forward and grow as a person.

I know damn well that I am not the only female who deals with this.  All I can tell you is DO NOT LET IT BRING YOU DOWN.  Don't let it ruin you or destroy your passion because as much as their are useless turds around making people feel like shit about themselves.  There are ten times more people cheering you on.

Good Vibes and Love.

Shan

I have Bulimia Nervosa and Yes, I am a Bodybuilder.

I am very open to all of my followers, clients and friends about my eating disorder.  I have struggled since the age of 9 with bulimia nervosa.  After endless amounts of therapy, hospitalization and doctors appointments that did not help me overcome my eating disorder, I reverted to my own personal mental strength to suppress and find another outlet in hopes to help reduce my illness.

From a young age I always had self-esteem and body issues.  From the age of 6 on I was dieting and exercising in attempts to alter my body into a way that would would make me happy.  I can tell you that losing weight does not make you more happy when you have an eating disorder, it only reverts your behaviors even worse.  By the age of 13, I was bingeing and purging 16-18 times a day, and as a result of that I now have 8 ulcers in my esophagus (that eventually will require surgery).  When I started high school, I reverted into even worse behaviors I joined the high school cross country team and right away my cross country coach told me in order to be faster I needed to be thinner and again I dieted even harder, I over trained my body to an extreme, logging 15+ miles a day in order to compensate for the constant bingeing. After 4 long continuous years of fighting with my eating disorder it finally took a toll on my body.  My senior year of high school I broke my leg, immediately ending my running career.  I broke my leg in gym class, my bones were so weak and lacked the essential nutrients that I wasn't letting my body absorb, after that I fell into clinical depression. 

For months I crutched around in a cast thinking of ways that I could start running again.  My parents had a pool and occasionally I would slip the cast off and get some mobility into my leg but it wasn't the same. I was barely eating because I feared getting fat because I wasn't exercising.  By the time the cast came off 8 weeks later my muscle had atrophied tremendously.  Visualize a toothpick and a tree trunk, that's how my legs looked.  Immediately, I joined a local Snap Fitness down the road from my parents and began regularly lifting weights to try and put the muscle back onto my toothpick leg.   My body image now was extremely low, I thought I looked like a freak.  I covered my entire body in layers and layers of clothes to compensate my symmetry.  I feared being judged and criticized and more than anything I wanted my legs back to normal.

The longer I lifted at the gym though, the more I became aware of just how much my body was capable of.  I quickly put my muscle back on but even more so I began to enjoy lifting and seeing how heavy I was able to lift.  Soon I began looking into bodybuilding and about 1 year after my injury I decided I wanted to do a bodybuilding show.  There was only one problem, I was going to have an issue following a diet and keeping food down.

The trainer I worked with started me out with a very simple IIFYM diet.  The first three weeks were hell.  I struggled to keep food down, I cried and prodded my body daily.  There were nights I would sit in front of the mirror with scissors in my hands contemplating whether to just cut all the fat off my body.  Then something amazing happened, my body started reacting to the diet and reshaping my body.  I was losing weight while eating and I was eating a good amount of food.  3 weeks into my diet I stopped vomiting.  I did a 12 week prep for my first show and through the first prep I had 3 episodes with my bulimia.  3! Compared to 16-18 daily, that was a hell of an improvement for me.

However, my trainer at the time, was not knowledgeable about reverse dieting so after my show I ate everything in sight.  I gained I believe 20lbs in a 36 hour span.  Now I do think that every bodybuilder goes through the initial post show binge after their first show, then slowly they begin to learn how to integrate reverse dieting back into their regimen in order to stay healthy.   It was at that moment, stepping on the scale post show binge that I realized that in order to keep my bulimia repressed I needed a goal and I needed a solid diet with direction.

My Current and Permanent Coach, Bill Tocco of War Room Nutrition, has done a hell of a job with me to say the least.  Bill works with me both on season and off season and gives me particular meal plans that I need to follow.  My refeed meals are planned and executed to prevent binges and overeating and has helped me mentality as I continue to grow as a person.  Now having the bodybuilder mentality and having far and less frequent bulimic episodes, in order for me to be successful in this sport the food has to stay in and I have to eat the exact amounts given.  The regimen and routine has made me successful in both my recovery for my eating disorder as well as in the bodybuilding world as a Women's Physique competitor. 

I have also learned successful tools to help me during my preps in order to not sabotage the work I have put in.  During prep season, anytime I am triggered and have an urge to binge I drink a ton of water.  I just start chugging water until my stomach is so full I cant physically put anything else into my mouth.  If I am able to have vegetables I eat those.  I chew gum.  I avoid any foods that are triggering and keep only prep safe foods in my house and fridge at all times.  If Kyle {fiance} wants something to eat thats not on my diet he hides it in the house or makes sure that he eats it away from me.  For off-season prep I am able to be a little bit more relaxed and I make a ton of sugar free jello and keep that on hand.  I make a super thick protein shake, something dessert flavored like Titan Nutrition's Chocolate Crave (Use Discount Code SHANNON for 20% off to give it a try).  I also freeze my protein and mix it with natural peanut butter to give it an ice cream consistency.  Those are my few simple tricks that will work for not only people struggling with eating disorders but also for you who struggle with food cravings during your seasons.

I will say that the longer I compete in this sport, the more comfortable I become with my own body.  The more proud I am to see how far I have come and how much further I can go.   One day I will be an IFBB Pro.  I want to be able to look back at where I came from and where I am at that time and be proud that I made it.

Now I am not going to lie to you and say that everyday is awesome.  Everyday my eating disorder is in my head and everyday I have negative thoughts.  However, visualizing my goal and where I want to be helps me keep my head on right.  I can't say that I will never have another bulimic episode, but the further and fewer times that they occur, the better that it will be for me.

Thanks for reading my very personal blog tonight.  xo

If you need help or know someone who is struggling visit NEDA. They are a excellent organization to help you help yourself or someone you know struggling to get the help that they need.

Countdown to Western's and Q's & A's Curiosity...

Counting Down the Days...

Hello Again!

So counting down again the days until I step onstage, currently sitting at 12 days out. My teammate, Tommy Stiles (far right) and I, both part of War Room Nutrition, are competing in the NPC Western Michigan's in Grand Rapids, MI on November 4th.  I can't say enough things about my team, for those of you who do compete and have a team, you understand how crucial it is to have those teammates to relate to as you push through your prep. I can honestly say that my team is my second family, filled with IFBB pros, UFE World Champs, Nationally Qualified NPC Amateurs, and amateur competitors who are determined as f**k.  We all feed off each other and build up our strengths and help each other improve our weaknesses.  Bill Tocco (middle) our amazing coach has such a passion for the sport and his athletes and ensures that with each prep we complete are conditioning has improved even more than our previous season.

As I came out from my last prep, I will tell you this- Bodybuilding is a sport that you continually grow with.  There is never a final product.  Each season you work harder to be better conditioned than the last. That is how you excel at the sport, it's never about your competition, it;s only about your personal growth within the sport - This is my mentality 100% for the sport of bodybuilding.  The minute I get my stage pictures I begin picking apart what I need to work on and improve for the next round.  Do not be misguided, I am very pleased with the package I brought to the stage, but there will always be room for improvements.  The body is a piece of art that is constantly changing, the iron and diet are the tools that us bodybuilders use to carve our sculpture [body] to the best conditioning that it can be for that particular moment in time.  Then as time passes, we carve it again and the sculpture changes and yet again we look for room to improve.  Its a cycle , its part of the sport and part of the process. Its tedious, repetitive and an absolute blessing for me to have discovered this passion.

 Questions, Answers and Curiosity? 

So I have been blogging on and off now for a few months and I want to be able to cater to my audience a bit more in order to reach out and give some knowledgeable insight to my readers.

So my question to you is What Do You Want to Know About Me?  Do you want to know more about my personal life?  My diet?  My mental strengths and weaknesses?  My relationship with friends and family? My training mentality? My teammates and I's relationship? My sponsorship's? What I do when I am not training? I want to extend to you an insightful read about my life with questions that you may have regarding training, diet, struggles, etc.

Also, as my prep season has a few more weeks left in it and then I will be switching gears over to my off season program I will be posting some macro friendly recipes (Most are very protein dense FYI) that I enjoy while outside of prep along with some of my workout routines and regimens.  So again, if there is any curiosity about my workout exercises, etc?  Now is the time to ask and I will share with you my personal training workouts and regimens with you.

Comment below on this blog and I will compile the questions into a new blog post later on in the week for your reading pleasure! I look forward to seeing what everyone is curious about!

Post Show and Getting the Mindset ready for Next Show

Post Show day for me! For those of you who have not been following me I won the NPC Central States Women's Physique Open last night in Ypsilanti, Michigan.  I have another show in two weeks, however after dieting for so long my coach was nice enough to give me a day off from dieting and allow me to splurge on what I want.  A lot of people ask, how can I control my cravings and how I don't overeat and start dieting again so quickly??

For me, post show day I honestly have a zillion cravings, but the truth is, the freedom is also terrifying.  You have so many choices and options to choose from but also knowing that another show is less than two weeks out keeps your mind in check. Typically what I do post show is hone on in a few things that I absolutely craving that I have not been able to enjoy the past 25 weeks.  Gummy candy and cereal is my go to! I also make sure to also to add lots of protein into my meals throughout the day.  Since I am always burnt out on energy post show I utilize Titan Nutrition's Whey Isolate Protein to get me the adequate amounts of protein I need without the hassle of cooking.  Energy Wise- Because I am so depleted and dehydrated from the show prep I also drink tons of water and use Titan Nutrition's Activ8 Metal Focus and Energy.  This stuff is great it can be used both as a preworkout or a caffeine boost throughout the day with 120 mg per serving. 

I also make sure to enjoy myself and relax.  Prep takes a beating to your body and mind.  I describe post show day as feeling basically hungover.  I am tired, have a massive headache, dehydrated and cramping like crazy- as I stated in all my previous posts.  I take everything day by day, its all part of the process and I absolutely would not change a thing about my lifestyle.   I typically do try and get out and move around a bit the day after my show, after getting some carbs in this morning, my fiance and I did hit the gym and do a light back workout and I did some light cardio - It is more mental than anything to keep my sane and focused to stay on track - however a warning to new competitors and even seasoned, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.  If you are not feeling it, do not push it, you have just pushed your body through death and it will take some time to recover. 

This week I will continue my focus, start up my diet again tomorrow and ready to bring in an even better conditioned package in two weeks ( a lot can change in two weeks with the body)!! Have a great week- I'll do a few more updates this week to keep you in the loop.

Products Mentioned in this blog can be found here.
To try out any products at a discount use coupon code : SHANNON for 20% off your order (a personal thank you gift to my readers)

Routine and Regimen, How To Get Started?

To achieve results for anything focus and consistency is key.  I tell my clients all the time that results don't happen overnight.  It takes weeks to notice and change and months for others to notice a change, however that is no reason to get discouraged or quit.  Each day that we put in effort we are one step closer to our goal.

4.5 Year Difference 

For competitors, like myself, it took me 4.5 years to begin to see a solid development in my physique.  Yes, you read that right, 4.5 years! I will say that everyday is definitely not easy but each day, knowing it pushed me closer to that IFBB stage it is totally worth it.  The body reacts best through consistency and routine, keeping things simple and regimented allows the body to adapt much more quickly to the nutrition and exercises that you are putting it through.

For individuals just starting out I always suggest start by tracking your food intake, download a calorie and macro tracking app such as My Fitness Pal.  This helps you become more aware of what you are eating throughout the day compared to your exercise output.  Another thing I always suggest is if you haven't already, get up and get moving.  For those who haven't engage in a type of cardiovascular activity yet, Challenge yourself to move 10 minutes a day, 3-4 times a week.  As you begin to progress increase your cardio time.  The excuse, "I do not have time" is not valid.  Like every other human on earth we all have obligations and commitments, in order to want to change you have to make yourself change, you have to find the time and make yourself commit.  As I stated previously, it will not be easy by any means, but it will be worth it.

I also tell people who are contemplating the idea of change is to first commit to a gym and a nutrition coach.  Utilizing both of these resources, not only will help you create change but you are paying for your progress, this means that in order to get results you have to follow directions by a professional individual who will ensure you get to the goal you want to be at.  This is definitely a gray area for some, as coaches and gyms can get expensive however, I can promise you this.  If you are unhappy with your body and results and you still need direction it is time to seriously start thinking about stepping up your commitment level and hire a professional, most also offer payment plans which helps out tremendously. 

Many of my female clients struggle  with their protein intake.  To fill in protein gaps and get the adequate amounts I always suggest to my clients to try a powder protein, I recommend Whey Isolate, as it is typically lower in carbohydrates and fats.  I recommend Titan Nutrition Whey Isolate, they have a variety of flavors at affordable prices.  If you are looking for additional supplement suggestions, feel free to browse the Titan Nutrition website, as they offer a variety of supplements for all your fitness goals.  Reach out to me with any questions you have, I would be happy to point you out some suggestions. 

http://www.titannutrition.net/ref/158

Starting any new fitness program or lifestyle change can be scary and exciting.  Before any program is initiated I strongly suggest that a full physical and check-up is done with your medical doctor.  Get blood work done as well, this will show you any nutritional gaps, medical issues/concerns, as well as your BMI, current weight, etc that is crucial to know before starting any program. 

Good Luck!!

Challenges

Peak Week - Ahh one week and one day away from my first show of the season.  Mixed emotions definitely as I try to hone in all my energy and focus to my final week and repress my current life stressors that are affecting my mental health. Besides the focus on diet and exercise, it is also crucial for non-competitors to understand that although us bodybuilders and athletes are committed to our sports and passions, we also have to make a living.  We all have jobs, deal with life stressors as well as have obstacles and life challenges that throw off focus as well.

Earlier this year some of my followers know that I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.  I was diagnosed with this about 11 weeks into my prep for the 2017 Jr. Nationals Show.  Right after I got diagnosed all the symptoms became very heightened and I dropped about 40 pounds in two weeks, with this happening I unfortunately had to pull from my show and focus on getting my health resituated before I could step on stage again.  This upcoming show next week is super important to me.  It allows me to prove to myself, that although challenges always have a way of greeting us through life, battling through them is what makes an individual stronger.

Some of you also know that originally I am from Michigan but moved down to Kansas to live with my fiancé for almost a year to help him through the Med-Board process from the US Army.  When I moved down to Kansas I left my job, my family and my home.  Although we are now back in Michigan, getting situated again is also deeming  a challenge.  Finding a personal training job has been tough, finding a home has been even tougher and through it all I still continue to prep for both of my upcoming shows.  I am not writing this for anyone to have sympathy, I am simply writing this to let everyone know that all of us, every human, has stressors and struggles.  Through life, through prep, etc.  It happens, part of being an athlete is how we are able to utilize that stress into a more counterproductive asset.

Although each of us may live different lives and lifestyles, we all have one thing in common, we are all just trying to get by and live our short lives in the vast universe.

Breaking Down the Societal Norms

Judgement and being critical of others is part of being human.  As much as each of us don't want to admit this, we all have done this at some point in our lives.  Some more than others.
I also am at fault with this flaw as I have both judged others and have been judged.  However, I will say that growing more into the sport of bodybuilding and realizing how judgmental society can be to female athletes, my personal judgements of others have definitely subsided and it has made me much more mindful of how society shapes others and controls how we think of ourselves and others.

Before bodybuilding, before weightlifting and my additional gains of muscle I looked like an average women.  Nothing spectacular or out or norm to see or look at.  However, when I began bodybuilding and putting on weight, size and muscle I began to get noticed and looked at more wherever I went.  From the grocery store, school, work, and mainly any public place that I would go to I began to notice more people staring, pointing, turning away and whispering.  At first, I really didn't mind the attention, but as I progressed in the lifestyle more I began to feel ashamed of how I looked.  I felt different and society has never made me forget that.

When you walk into a grocery store and overhear a lady tell her son "look at how disgusting that lady with muscles looks," or when you are pumping gas and a man comes up to you and asks "Are you a man or a woman" the comments begin to get annoying and a bit degrading.  You begin to see yourself differently and it takes a moment to realize that it is not any fault of my own but it is how society has cultivated others to perceive the social norms.

I chose to pursue bodybuilding because it helped me focus on something other than my eating disorder.  Bodybuilding saved me from my addiction to bingeing and purging and allowed me to invest my time into learning how to love my body and all that it has to offer.  As I have made huge improvement and progress in my recovery process from my bulimia, the shameful and hateful thoughts about my own personal self-image has yet again come into light because I look different than what it acceptable to "societal standards".

I think the point of this blog post, besides my rant about judgement is that no matter what path we choose to take in life, no matter what others may think about what you do, the strength of your own internal mindset is what needs to be controlled.  Almost daily I have to take a step back and breathe and thank God for letting me accomplish all that I have in my 25 years of life.  I have to tell myself that although I may not be everyone's ideal choice for looks or body type, it doesn't matter.  I have a loving fiancé who has supported me from the very start, my parents who accept my lifestyle and have accepted my crazy schedule into their lives and my close friends who understand that I am a bodybuilder, I may look a bit different than a typical 25 year old American female, however I promise you that like all women I very much deal with all aspects that an average 25 year old would deal with.

So next time you are casting judgement on others and voicing your opinion because you want to be an arrogant asshole or just curious about someone else's personal life choices, take a minute and reflect if it will make you a better person.  If your words and harsh stares and whispers are allowing you to gain anything out of life.  The answer most likely will be No.