Bodybuilding through the pandemic...

Firstly, I apologize for such a tremendous gap in my blogs.  I literally have 7 drafts typed of material I have been waiting to publish, but as times change so do topics.

Here is a boring blah synopsis of my daily life (skip this paragraph for less bordem),

So currently I am sitting in my home- Week 3 of quarantine, laid off from work, let me remind you that in my mindset ( Every job that brings money to the table to support a family is essential for that household). getting stir crazy, the appeal of television, social media, and electronics have far surpassed the boredom stage.  My 10 month old daughter and husband are by my side and we are trying to cope and handle each day as it comes. As the weeks turn into months, slowly we begin to adjust to this new form of life. New schedules to adjust too, household projects finally getting completed and you probably can lick every inch of my house with the amount of deep cleaning that I have accomplished. 

Now for me to get on my soapbox, please remember that these are my personal opinions and observations. They are from me personally and not from anyone else, please do not take offense if you don't agree, just stop reading and move on with your life...

For those of you who have been following my journey to my professional status as a women's physique competitor  I have been in show prep now since the 2nd week of January , so about 14 weeks.  Before prep I was working on my post- mom body and was dieting hard from June 2019 - December 2019 - 6 months.  I have a vision and a goal this year to go pro and with all of my shows pushed back it has been an intense mind-fuck and a new depth of mental strength that I had to dig deep to find within me. 

Bodybuilding has been my life for over a decade, it pulled me out of my clinical depression, it has helped me into recovery from bulimia nervosa, my self-esteem has increased,  and overall it keeps my life whole. It keeps my life moving forward with a purpose, drive and passion and now I find myself lost.

I think their are many of you who find your escape from the problems of the world through the weight of the iron. The simple peace and simplicity of zoning into another dimension of inner strength and diminishing the problems of the world for a brief moment help reset my sanity daily. 

When the shelter-at-home order was issued my depression set in immediately.  I cried, I was angry, I hated the world, I hated the governor,  and I hated the media.  Everytime I turned on the news I was sick to my stomach.  I knew though that I had to adapt, as I learned that the orders to stay at home would be months long before we could resume our normal lives I had to begin adjusting and creating a new routine.   So we (my husband and I) created a gym in our garage, we started changing the reps and weight ranges around, I had to change my mindset around into the mindset of adapting and overcoming and knowing that my body could still stay tight and preserve muscle during this quarantine.

Let me remind you that I am still in prep. 14 weeks of dieting and another 14 weeks to go (as long as my shows aren't pushed back) and that is the most mentally grueling of it all. Not knowing for sure if there is an end in sight, when is the end? When will my show go on? When can I train normally again? How will I be able to afford everything? 

Call me selfish or call me whatever but when your life is completely disrupted in a moment and all you want is it back ...its hard. Its hard because you don't know the severity of this epidemic. What are facts and what are lies? My family is not going irrational from this pandemic. We aren't hoarding shit,  we aren't wearing masks in public, we aren't wearing gloves and touching everything on the shelves with the same pair of gloves only to find them littered in the parking lot later.

COVID- 19 has fucked us. It has fucked you, it has fucked me and it has completely taken over the world with a post apocalyptic type feel as we all feel grounded in our own home.   Shame on all you extremists for hoarding all the supplies, ranting bullshit over Facebook, and wearing masks and gloves while you are driving (you look like a fucking idiot), I officially hate you.

My husband and I have started to create a daily schedule that we attempt to follow to help us get through our day to day basis. It definitely helps, but its not ideal.  It's not the way life was intended to be and its not what I want . Everyday I visualize my stage body, I keep accountable with check ins from my coach, I keep snacks and temptations out of my house and Every. Damn. Day.  I work towards my future.

The only way that us bodybuilders will get through this is to keep going: Adapt, Visualize, and absolutely let no one outwork  you. When we are released from quarantine make them stare.

I'll post another blog soon. Xx

Sidenote: please remember to keep your monthly gym payment going . We need to keep our gyms alive and financially healthy so we have a home to go back into. 

Post Pregnancy

If you haven't heard the news, God blessed our little Angel, Adley Rose Baxter, into the world on Monday, May 20th 2019.   4 weeks early (late term preemie) surprise that

immediately brightened our lives.  The most eye opening experience for me being a new mom is how we do not give mothers enough credit at all.  The first week home the days, the hours and the minutes blurred together.  Night and Day meshed into one continuous day and soon enough Adley was already 1 week old.

However. Although my bundle of joy is a precious gem and I love being her Mama - My mental and physical health also are on the mend. I am young mother and gained an upward of maybe 20lbs total (and no stretch marks) during my pregnancy, my body definitely is not the tight bodybuilding body I am used to.  The drop of protein I did not eat throughout my pregnancy made my muscles softer. My thighs rub together and my stomach is loose.  For a first time Mom and bodybuilder, its devastating.  I am not going to even sugar coat it.

But now the real fun has begun my new task of working, getting my personal gym time in and being a mom.  Its a whirlwind of emotions and there are days I forget to eat and do my cardio.  However, this new transition and phase in my life is also showing me that life happens, events happen and although its not always the most enjoyable journey back, I want to prove that it is possible. Being a personal trainer and online nutrition coach has allowed me to interact and get to know individuals with tons of different life challenges, body goals and lifestyle ambitions.  Being able to be on my own journey through weight loss and restructuring my body back to how I want it to be is going to allow me to have an even more in depth perspective of the challenges and struggles that everyday individuals face.

My husband and I currently have a semi-structured routine in which allows us both to get a decent workout in and prep our meals for the week.  Another challenge that is not mentioned is the amount of calories and types of calories that a mother needs to be ingesting during the times of breastfeeding, my god- if you want to see your weight drop, forget to drink enough water and eat 3 square meals for a day and the pounds literally fall off, between hydration and eating enough for my child - it is a workout in itself with a child.

Here is my two cents for this new experience of being a mother- your mental health is most important.  How you feel about yourself, the overwhelming needs of reassurance that you are doing a good job as well as trying to create a stable routine for your family is a job in itself. I have made sure that I set aside time for myself daily to make sure I can handle what is being thrown at me for the day.

 Now onto the dreaded discussion of breastfeeding.  I will be honest, I didnt want to but the medical field really pushes -And I dont mean a slight suggestion,  they literally force you to breastfeed your baby when they are born. Now I am not against breastfeeding, its a beautiful connected bond for mother and baby. Not to mention the health benefits the baby gets from breastmilk is literally customized to them. That being said- waking up every morning to meet with the dreaded pump used to latch onto my boobs and pump them slowly until they look like deflated balloons is not a moms finest moments. Especially because I did not take maternity leave. I went back to work 5 days after I gave birth. So the new stress I had was keeping my milk supply up while at work. Pumping between clients; Spending hours in a room waiting for this machine to pull out each ounce of milk it could grab. It was lonely, it was stressful and my life literally became nothing besides working and pumping. I was overly stressed, tired, worn down and completely  over pumping. Not to mention on top of that postpartum depression quickly set in for me, making it difficult to take care of myself.


 So why was I doing something everyday that made me feel like a cow?  Literally milking myself down to feed my child.  I couldn't do it- I just stopped, and you know what happened? My stress went away- I focused more on my daughter and not stressed about pulling ounces of milk from my nipples.  7 weeks into the pumping mess and now I am free to spend time with my family and feel refreshed. I have no regrets and breastfeeding is unfortunately just not for everyone. I am the Mom that tried and that's all that matters.

So now I am working back to getting on that IFBB Pro Stage.  I am able to train harder - eat for fuel and making sure my daughter is healthy by giving her formula that has all the essentials she needs for growth.  I am happier this way, she is happier this way - and at the end of the day, how I choose to raise my daughter is between my husband and myself.

As I continue my journey back to the stage I have my 2 biggest supporters by my side daily, my daughter and my husband. I am focused on each day and ensuring that I am bringing my best mental state to my family as I continue on this road  to recovery.

2.5 months postpartum 

Oh S#!t. I am that Bodybuilder who Got Pregnant.

So if you haven't heard the news by now, I am pregnant with my first child. My husband and I are blessed with this miracle as I have been told since I was about 11 that I would never be able to birth children due to the extensive damage and Infertility damage I caused with my bulimia nervosa.

When I first found out the news,  believe me I was in shock, I still am to an extent. Trying to wrap my head around the fact that in 6 short months I will be a Mom. As exciting as it seems, here is the fact. I am terrified of becoming a mother. I am terrified of knowing my life has to change. From everything,  I have known and loved to do now has a change of priorities.

For 8 years now I have been a competitive Bodybuilder. I have trained intensely, I have changed my diet and supplementation, I have financially drained myself to compete and mature on the competition ladder and now everything that I have worked for is halted for a moment. The thing that is most scary to me is knowing that my body is changing. Knowing that I have to put on weight, knowing that my boobs (that amount to about nothing) are now tripling the size, that my abs are becoming soft as I am creating life and my body is changing into something that is hard for me to accept.

Some individuals who read this article will call me selfish and ungrateful for the complaining and worrying I am doing for my physique, however as an individual who struggles with body dysmorphia,  it is in fact very hard for me to  accept the changes coming my way, but I am taking it day by day.

After discussion with my doctor,  coach and husband. I am still training as intensely as I can without causing detriment to the baby. I am following my diet as closely as possible and I am beginning to baby myself a bit in giving myself some time to relax and embrace being pregnant.  As time goes on I know I will have to take it easier and understand that gaining weight is in fact part of growing a human.

I have been up numerous nights thinking about how my life is going to change, terrified I will be a shit mother and terrified that I will never be able to bounce back to the life I have known on stage and in the fitness world.  I have realized though that all life changes are scary.  What is life without risk? Without Change? Without getting out of the comfort zone?  It is a challenge, a blessing and a setback all at once.  I am blessed to grow this wonderful human and show and teach them all the world has to offer. All in time I will overcome my fears and insecurities of being a mother.  I know that as time goes on and it gets closer to meeting my new human that my ideologies and mindset will change and I know that I will get even more excited to grow my family.

For me, I correlate pregnancy like an offseason/bulking season. You can eat more food, train harder, limit your cardio and put on weight.  I will take this pregnancy and treat it like a controlled off season. Working out hard, eating right and ensuring that I do everything to keep my muscles and baby growing.  Once June comes around, I cannot wait to prove to the world how even as a mom, you can bounce back from a baby, step on stage and become an IFBB pro.


How has life been for me currently? Let's see, watching your stomach grow slowly into a hard lump that starts to slowly protrude out of your stomach is terrifying. Legging are my wardrobe of choice (but let's be real, they always have been) , my appetite has definitely increased, but the cravings have been kept to mostly fruits and salads, not to say that I havent had some chicken nuggets once or twice.  Currently I am up about 5lbs at just under 18 weeks. My weight now just hovering around 168-170lbs. Which for me use to be my offseason weight. So not stressing too much about the weight yet. I am loving naps right now, the immense tiredness is unreal. By 2pm I am completely exhausted and literally have to take a power nap in order to function the rest of the day.



Currently I am training about 5x a week (about 45min sessons) and cardio almost daily, my calories have been hovering around 1400 daily right now.

Current Bench: 225lb
Current Squat: 315lb
Current Dead: 225lb


In comparison pre pregnancy I was training 7 days a week (about 75-90min sessions), taking a rest day about every 12-14 days,  cardio about 4 days a week, with about 2000cals daily.

Pre Preg Bench: 315lb
Pre Preg Dead: 405lb
Pre Preg Squat: 455lb


Lots of changes and lots of goals to look forward to moving forward, I just get to share my journey with my new family as I get back on the road to pro once this new miracle happens to our family.

Offseason as a Female Bodybuilder

**NOTE: Please remember this blog is based on my personal experiences and opinions, all individuals may or may not experience of feel the same way about this. **

As I have made mention before and many individuals understand that the shredded physique of an onstage competitor is almost physically impossible to maintain all year long, (however there are those few genetic freaks that are capable).  It not only wreaks havoc on the overall health of the body but can cause issues with the metabolism, hormone imbalance and a slew of other health hazards without allowing the body to heal from a contest depletion state.

So I often get asked "What is it like to go from stage lean, to a softer physique?" Honestly it's a mix of pure hell mentally and a feeling of relief and relaxation. Let me explain...

Dieting for 20-30 weeks (Yes, my coach diets me a little bit longer than a standard prep) into a single digit bodyfat percentage and slowly reversing back into a healthy weight and fat range is complete mental fuckery. It messes with your head and the thought of getting additional fat added back onto the body you have worked so hard to deplete is exhausting. Each year I always think it will be easier to adjust to an offseason and each year I find myself more critical of myself compared to the following year.

The fact is though, that's why this sport of bodybuilding is so challenging, because you have to add fat and water weight back onto your body frame to improve for the next season. You have to allow your body to heal and recover from the extensive damage that it has gone through during prep and without recovery and trying to hold onto the consistency of remaining lean can cause detrimental affects (as previously mentioned above).

So the truth is - for me personally, as well as many of my close friends who compete, the first few weeks post show are the worst. You constantly are checking the mirror to desperately hold onto the last few reminisce of the shredded abs that enveloped your stomach for the last few months. You try to excessively do cardio to retrieve back what you lost and the feeling of your clothes getting tighter on the body causes unhealthy obsessions with the scale and dieting. Sometimes I hide behind baggy sweatshirts and sweatpants to hide my weight gain. It's a rough transition and some competitors will do one show and the post show mental health will be the end of the competing days.

As I mention in almost all my blogs, competing is a choice, it is a privilege that not all of us can do. It is NOT a sacrifice, it is an overly expensive hobby that many of you who are reading this (including myself) find a sense of purpose with. It is a sport that test your mental strengths just as much as physical and at the end of the day we spend thousands of dollars to step on stage and pay for the opinion of an individual who tells us we are not good enough. Think about it,  I know it's a tough truth to read. It's not a positive thing, nor a negative thing. It simply is a fact of the sport.

So once off-season weight is on and the additional fat is put back on there are many positives to being in off-season.  For one, the diet is much more relaxed. Now I am not saying I can eat whatever the hell I want day in and day out. Most competitors like myself, work with a coach both on and off-season to utilize the additional weight and fat gain for overall improvements in the physique.


Off-Season Positives :

- Your strength significantly increases
- Your mood is 1000% more stabilized
- You have much more control over time management
- You feel a sense of balance in your life
- Saving some additional money


Off-Season Negatives :

- Gaining weight (fat and water)
- Tighter Clothes
- Feelings of "Lack of Purpose (aka regimen/routine towards a goal)
- Post- Show Depression (aka Post Show Blues)



The worst thing that personally I deal with during my off-season is when people are stunned to see that I am not stage lean.  Some of the things that have been said to me over the years (through my years of competing during my offseason):

- "How did you get fat so fast"?
- "Are you sick"?
- "Are you pregnant"?
- "I thought you competed"?
- "Do you not bodybuild anymore"?
- " Why did you diet so hard, if you were just gonna put the weight back on"?
- "Are your pictures photo shopped, I thought you were lean and muscular"

More so than not, females get this more due to women having a higher estrogen level and genetically carry more fat compared to males. I have developed thick skin in the public eye when it comes to comments.  I typically don't let anything overwhelm me until I get home, then I typically tell Kyle (spouse) who then tells Bill (coach) and then they both work their magic to make me semi levelheaded again.

 Now I do have to make a note that the comments above have been over the years of competing. My first ever show I did the infamous binge on everything for about 6 days straight after dieting.  I put on about 30lbs in those 6 days and it was the absolute worst feeling ever.  However after working with a proper coach and having the ability and privilege to compete year after year my off-season is much more under control but it is still a struggle putting on those first few pounds post show.

<<< My First Off Season Post Show @ 200lbs
<<< Stage Weight 145lbs 

My Third Offseason Pre Show @ 187 lbs >
Stage Weight @137lbs >>>>

 <<<My Sixth Offseason Pre-show @ 165lbs 
<<< Stage Weight @ 130lbs

My Seventh Season stage weight @ 120lbs >>>>>

Offseason @150lbs >>>



As you can see from a few of my past years of competing it takes time for your body to adapt into a controlled offseason. Be patient and know that each year your body will change and adapt a little differently towards your goals.

The Brutally Honest Truth Of What It Is Like To Be a Female With Muscles.

I have brought it up a couple of times in a few of my blogs about how society creates a certain image that creates a false picture in society's circle of what men and women are supposed to look like, how they should dress, even down to the gender roles within careers and households.  This. Is. Absolute. Bullshit.

From a young age I was always into sports and took over a tomboy type.  I was stockier growing up, I had larger muscles and while girls were wearing skirts and tank tops, I was hiding my thicker body under sweatpants and oversized T-Shirts.   I got teased a lot in elementary school.  I was called "Mannon" and "Shan-Man" because of my muscular and boyish look and I can honestly say I was ashamed of how I looked.  I held more fat around my thighs and mid section, I had incredible strength at a young age and at the age of 8 I could run a mile under 7 mins.  But none of that made me feel accomplished, I was embarrassed of what I could do and as most of my followers, fellow blog readers and friends know I developed bulimia nervosa at the age of 9.  To read the entire backstory of my bulimic struggles please click here to read my previous blog post discussing my challenges with my addiction with my body.

When I started my bodybuilding journey sometimes between 2011-2012 I slowly began to appreciate all that my body did for me.  I loved seeing the muscles grow, I loved see muscles in my stomach and arms grow and become more prominent.  It made me feel accomplished and the harder I pushed myself, the more my body changed and developed the more I began to gain confidence in how I looked.  About a year into my training was when the comments began to start towards me.  They started out minimally but I would constantly hear things like "Don't get to much muscle, you will start looking like a man," or "What happened to your boobs, they shrank, you are starting to have a man chest."  Little comments began to pile up.  The harder I trained in the gym, the better I felt about myself.  But the harder I pushed, the harsher society began to judge me.

Now almost 7 years later this is my life.  I walk into stores and people stare and whisper.  I get asked weekly if I am a man or a women.  Sometimes people ask me if I am transgender or lesbian.  I still have boobs and an ass but to society that is not enough, my muscle are not within the societal norm so people judge without knowing my story.  If I go to the grocery store and buy candy the cashier will ask if I should be eating that with a physique like myself.  Imagine yourself going into a store with gym clothes on after a workout and trying to grocery shop and all you hear are whispers, watching people stare at you (and some may I add, will not stop staring even after you make eye contact with them).  People treat me like an animal, coming up and squeezing my biceps and touching my muscles.  Ummmm, hello?! When the hell is it okay to touch random strangers bodies without their permission. I have been made fun of on snapchat, Instagram and numerous websites because of my looks and you know what after dealing with this judgmental bullshit for years I have created a thick skin and take it with a grain of salt. I get anonymous letters and messages sent to me how I am fake and look disgusting and that no man will ever love me.  I get hate mail and love mail and everything in between.   I have more individuals blocked on my Facebook and Instagram then I have followers and friends.  Instead of responding to negative comments I simply block them and move on with my life.  People talk and comment behind my back saying that I run testosterone and tren because of the size of my muscles.  Unless you are an individual who understands the science, the discipline and the passion that competitors like myself have for the sport, you will never understand the diet, the extreme workout routines and cardio sessions it takes to be able to pack on and maintain muscle.

Clothes shopping is another issue that I find myself struggling with.  I am not going to lie the older I get the more I realize how important dressing for the occasion is crucial.  As a bodybuilder, it is very difficult to find clothes that fit my body.  Jeans have to be super stretchy for my quads, and a belt is always needed to keep my pants from falling down on my waist.  Plus size shirts for women are the only sizes that fit my arms and back for women's clothing so sometimes I just browse the men's clothing section to get better fitting shirts.  I can dress feminine when I want to, I work in a gym so being able to wear gym clothes is the most comfortable setting for myself.

Its not all bad, not even close.  I love being able to show off my muscles and what I have worked so hard to sculpt over the years.  I am always ready to wear a bikini and the summer season people tend to be a bit less judgy and a bit more impressed.  Not that I give a shit what society deems acceptable for physique stature.  Having muscle has grown my personal training business significantly, I have a degree in health science and nutrition as well so I practice what I preach and understand the science behind how the body works. At the end of the day I am happy with what I have accomplished.  I am 25 years old and still have a full life ahead of me.  I have a goal to become an IFBB pro, I wont stop until I get to that level.  I get check ups regularly to monitor my health, I have a feminine as f**k looking face and I am no longer ashamed of my intrinsic and unique look that makes me stand out from societal norm.  I do normal adult things like pay a mortgage, stress about bills, feed my cats way more food then I should so they stop crying,  I pray and seek help from God in times of need, I have stressors and obstacles and there are days I feel fat and bloated (like any normal human feels).  We all have good days and bad days.  The key is to be able to live your life for yourself and find happiness with your life, everything will fall into place from their.

To all my haters and all my supporters- thank you .  You All make my life very interesting.  All my love. Shannon

Why you're not getting the results you want...

Besides being a passionate bodybuilder I also am a personal trainer.  I work personally with clients to help them achieve their overall fitness goals. I absolutely love being a personal trainer , I am able to fuel my passion into others and help them reach their goals.

Bottom Pic 2010 > Top Pic 2018

I work both as an online coach and in person trainer and work with a variety of people. Individuals looking to increase size, individuals who need help losing weight, people who want to grow muscle, etc.

However I have a few key things I want to point out to those who have been working hard in the gym and are still not seeing results.

- Stay Consistent: although you may work hard in the gym  when you show up, you cannot just sporadically come and go to the gym. Coming to the gym and working out hard 4x a month unfortunately is not going to get you the results you want. I always tell people to start slow. Challenge yourself to come 2x a week at first and slowly work up to 4-5x . Mix it up with weight training, cardio,  yoga, spin, etc. Do something to stay moving, it doesn't have to be tedious or boring.

- Food Matters: It's totally true, you are what you eat. Whether you're a bodybuilder, a vegan, vegetarian, or a person with no dietary preference; what you consume is what your body is fueled with.  When I start working with someone one of the most common things I hear someone say is "I'm not eating carbs" and I always ask why?! Why?  Carbs, fats and proteins are all essential nutrients your body needs to build into a solid physique. Pulling certain nutrients out can be detrimental to the body in the long term so be aware of how you are fueling your body. It is also true that everyones genetic makeup differs. Some individuals can run on lower carbs effectively (like myself) and others need a higher amount of carbohydrates to maintain a homeostasic balance within the body.

- Attitude and Mindset: Understand that any goal or lifestyle change takes time and consistency. Patience, ambition and a positive attitude will help you achieve your goals faster. Keeping your mindset straight and positive will help you stay focused. I get it though, life happens, slip ups occur. Remember we are all human. Do NOT beat yourself up about losing your routine. Simply get back up and keep moving forward.

-Time Management.  Two little words that are critical to achieving your goals. Two little words that have meant so much to me in order to get to where I am today.  It is something that we take for granted.  Time, we always think we have enough, we procrastinate and make excuses on things that we put off.  The statement "there is always tomorrow", "there is always next week" , " I'll start next year".  All these statements coincide with achieving your goals and getting to where you want to be in life.  In order to do what you need to accomplish, you must set yourself up to be successful.  This means creating a timeline for yourself and giving yourself accountability in reaching your goals.

Blah, Blah, Blah...  I know some of you want to yawn reading this because it is something that we hear all the time.  But as you are reading this, are you really listening to what I am telling you?  Create accountability, a timeline of sorts to keep you on track and routined to accomplishing what you always wanted to accomplish.  I get asked all the time, how do I find the time to get all that I do in. I time manage myself.  Scheduling to create effective results is essential for success. I am on the go from 5 a.m to 11 p.m. daily.  During that time frame I am getting meals in, training clients, getting my workout in plus 2 rounds of cardio.  I schedule yoga time, mediation time and even sleep time.  It is crucial for me to remain consistent with my schedule.  It keeps me on track and accountable.

Being 25, I love always being on the go and having things to do.  Keeping busy (especially during contest show prep) keeps my mind focused on my day ahead and never wandering to what needs to be done later on in the week.  I try to keep a day to day mentality.  Only letting the day ahead tasks influence my demeanor and letting the next day wait until it is time to come around.  This has not only allowed me to handle my stress much better as well, but things that are not in my control for the rest of the week are left alone until the time comes that I need to stress about them (if that makes sense).

How do you get into a routine where you manage time and consistency better?  I always tell people to start by trying to manage your bedtimes and wake up times.  Stay consistent and keep to the same schedule daily.  This also allows your body to adapt to the sleep schedule pattern making your bodies ability to utilize the sleep recovery from the day that much better.  Personally I had an issue when I first started trying to get to bed on time regularly, I used melatonin drops to help get my sleep pattern more regular.  From there start setting a routine for yourself - DO NOT OVERWHELM YOURSELF.  This means set a routine to start that is managable, and slowly you can implement additional elements as you begin to get acclimated with your new routine.

Post Show, plans for the year and the complexity of willpower

I'm gonna be blatantly honest here.   Competing is a rough sport to participate in mentally and just went you start to accept and love the body you are in the show is over and back to offseason and adding fat and water back into your body. For some competitors, like myself  I hold about 20lbs of water. When I dry out my body is shredded, lean but dehydrated and mentally miserable.

I had my show about 2 weeks ago. Since then I am up about 10lbs. My abs are puffy, my muscles are watery and in simple terms I feel fat. It's a mental battle that all competitors have to go through.  As competitors we have to learn to embrace and accept the changes are body goes through with each stage of prep.

Now for the questions I keep getting asked about my show results.  I placed 2nd in my class in a national level show. I am not upset nor disappointed.  Comparing my previous physique to my current one I brought on stage I can only be proud at the immense changes I brought within a short period of time.  Yes of course we all want to place first, win the overall and continue on to the IFBB pro league, and my time will 10000% come. I am patient, I see the changes my body makes through each season. As long as I am always improving, I am inching myself closer to the professional league.

Competing is a selfish choice that each competitor has to make. And yes, I do use the word selfish but not as a negative. Selfish meaning yourself. The sport is a you vs. You sport. You have to be selfish to yourself in order to improve. That means the bland dieting, the hours of morning cardio and the hours of night cardio. The daily intense lifting sessions. Each workout brings you that much closer to the next goal.

Personally, I enjoy the process but there are times I want to bury my head in a bowl full of cereal and eat myself to a carbohydrate coma, but it's the willpower of a competitor that is so amazing. The brain is such a complex organ with its ability to adapt to certain regimens and routines it still amazes me what an I individual can accomplish if they focus in on their personal will power.

I am not competing the rest of the year. My body needs a break as I have not taken a year off from competing since 2014. I will be back on stage 2019 to compete in another national level show and hopefully this time I will be one step closer to the professional status I aim to accomplish.